10 Commandments of Testy Fest
This year's world famous gathering of ball munchers will take place from August 2nd to the 6th at the Rock Creek Lodge in Rock Creek, Montana, just 20 minutes east of Missoula. Yes, it's the Testicle Festival. It is legendary, memorable, sometimes shocking but always fun. And although it may appear to be lawless, there ARE rules to the Testy Fest, obey or don't come back.
Just because some festival goers choose to wear next to nothing, does NOT give you the right to put your hands on them. You are not allowed to grope, and if you're going to take photos, ASK FIRST.
Cops swarm Rock Creek during Testy time just waiting for your dumb ass to drive by drunk. Don't put other's lives in danger. Plan to take the FREE shuttles, to camp at Testy or for a sober ride.
You have to try the Rocky Mountain Oysters at least once. If you're a newbie, you might start with the fried strips that pretty much taste like chicken strips.
Testy Fest is a people watchers paradise. Everyone's got a cell phone, remember that the choices you make, drunk or not, somebody will capture it on their cell phone.
If somebody offers you "party beads," you know, the Mardi Gras type, they are expecting you to earn them. Consider that before you blindly accept.
Stay hydrated! If you're going to do shots, chase them with a full cup of water. Montana's August sun can be very unforgiving, so can a Testy Fest hangover.
The annual Wet T-Shirt Contest is always the highlight of Testy Fest. You will see some gorgeous women in the competition, and you will see some things you cannot unsee. Mental preparation is encouraged.
People are there to HAVE FUN! Keep your rude comments and anger AWAY. If a bigger person wants to grin and bare it, if a "smaller" guy chooses not to wear pants, that's their way of enjoying Testy Fest. They don't need any crap from you. And NO FIST FIGHTING!
Bartending and the service industry is a tough business. Add 3,000 rowdy, sweaty drunks on top of that and it's as about as tough as the job can get. Be a kind tipper!
Think you're the master of the fake ID and sneaking into bars? Not at Testy Fest. The security has seen it all, don't even try, you'll just end up looking like an idiot when you get hauled out.