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5 Tips For a Sexually Satisfying Valentine’s Day

Whether you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day with a long time partner, somebody new, or not at all, these are still pretty good practices for any date day/night. Get after it.

Getty Images
Getty Images


Don’t Show Up With A Giant Bush



Valentine’s Day is like Christmas for your privates, don’t deny your downstairs parts oral gifts by showing up for your date un-groomed. That most certainly goes for the guys too, no girl wants to suck on a Brillo pad.



David Freund/ Getty Images
David Freund/ Getty Images


Bring A Gift



Preferably NOT chocolates and flowers. Unless your date is a brand new girl/boy friend and you’re trying to play it safe, or maybe they’re a chocoholic. Otherwise, it better be something thoughtful, considering that the person you’re giving it to has chosen your goofy ass for a holiday date that is 97% likely to end in sex.


Getty Images
Getty Images


Visit The Strip Club



Unless you’re dating a total prude or a former strip club DJ, there’s nothing like sexy naked chicks to help get everybody in the mood. And spring for your date’s Valentine’s Day lap dance too (don’t forget to take care of the dancer’s tip as well). Then, when they’re all fired up, it’s back to your place.


Yagi Studio/ Getty Images
Yagi Studio/ Getty Images


Bring Your Own Toys



Don’t count on your partner to supply the bed toys, especially if it’s a fairly new relationship. If you’ve been married for a while, you likely have an entire dresser full of gadgets. Girls, single guys may not have any toys on hand, so unless you want to end up with a “personal massager” from Walgreens and two clothes pins, you better bring your own Rabbit and nipple clamps. And if your guy does have his own toys, who knows who he’s used them on/in?


kkgas/ Getty Images
kkgas/ Getty Images


Don’t Fake It



If this is a one night stand or somebody you’re planning to break up with, fake it all you want. But if your Valentine’s date is somebody you actually like and expect to develop a relationship with, don’t fake it. If he’s sucking on your toes and it grosses you out, say so. Guys, if you want her to stick things where the sun don’t shine, you better get it out of the way now so you don’t surprise her with it after you’re married. It’s Valentine’s Day, let ‘er rip.


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