A Conversation With Candy Crush
Candy Crush: You are such a damn crack head addict, I cannot grant you any more lives right now.
Me: You are such an a**hole! How are you going to cut me off? Are you serious?
CC: Would this image of a weeping red heart help?
Me: No actually it wouldn’t. More lives would help, quit being a dick Candy Crush.
CC: Sorry, I cannot grant you more lives for 27 more minutes. You’ll have to wait all day to regain all of your lives.
Me: Goddammit Candy Crush! I dedicated my entire morning to you! I even got smart phone dead leg on the toilet for you!
CC: Ya’ know, you could always ask your Facebook friends to help.
Me: Hell NO! I don’t want my friends to know I spend my few precious minutes of free time with YOU.
CC: Fine. You can get more lives now, but you’ll need your debit card.
Me: That’s low, even for you Candy Crush.
CC: Then, you’ll just have to go be productive. See you in 26 minutes.
Me: I hate you Candy Crush! I HATE YOU!!!! And I don’t care if I EVER make it out of the Chocolate Mountains. Screw you!