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Cucumbers Could Leave Your Twig and Berries Hairless

Unless you enjoy a bald “satchel,” you may want to stay away from Monsanto cucumbers. They recently put out a press release announcing a recall of their genetically modified cucumbers because of strange side effects, caused by eating them. Side effects that include hair loss near the groin area.

According to the lapine.ca

The tracking study of 643 men and women in Nova Scotia came about after reports began to surface about bald field mice and the bald feral cats that ate them being discovered by farmers on acreages growing the new crop.

“The bald wild animals raised a huge flag and we immediately obtained subpoenas for the medical records of all 600 plus adults who took part in focus groups and taste tests of the cucumbers by Monsanto in Canada,” said Dr. Nancy Walker, Director of Public Health Research at Dalhousie. “Fully 3/4 of the people who ate these cukes had their crotch area hair fall out. This is not a joking matter at all…these people now have hairless heinies.”

 

My favorite part of the story includes a testimonial from a person who was hired by the company as a taste tester.

“I pulled down my boxer shorts to get ready for bed one night and there it was…a pile of hair that looked like a chihuahua puppy,” said Eric LaMaze, who was paid $50 by Monsanto to compare the tastes of natural cucumbers to Monsanto GM cucumbers in March of this year in Halifax. “Then I saw my bits and whoa they were like all shiny skin. Bald.”

 

First it was reported that red meat was bad for you, then pork, then salmonella in spinach, now cucumbers. I’m just sticking to beer for sustenance.

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