It’s Time to Panic — The Great Chicken Wing Shortage May Wreak Havoc with Your Super Bowl Plans
Okay, America. We have some news that will profoundly affect how you watch the Super Bowl. Brace yourself.
No, scientists still haven’t figured out a way to teleport you there under the cloak of invisibility, so you still need a ticket.
It turns out a shortage of chicken wings may be on the horizon
What the cluck is that about? That’s like playing a Super Bowl without a football.
Before you go loco, keep in mind the very fake-sounding, but very much real National Chicken Council chimed in to explain the reason behind this biggest national disaster not involving the name Manti Te’o. And while the economics behind it are more convoluted than the 49ers defensive scheme, it comes down to this:
“Demand for wings this year is at ‘an all-time high’ due to decreased wing production caused by the high cost of corn and feed prices. Wings are currently the highest priced portion of a chicken and cost $2.11 a pound in the Northeast, up 12 percent from last year.”
The council says 1.23 billion wing segments – they don’t sound as tasty when called “segments” do they? — will be wolfed down during this year’s big game, about 12.3 fewer than we gobbled up last year when the New York Giants managed to wipe the smirk off Bill Belichick’s face.
Short of Beyoncé deciding to lip sync (again!) during halftime, this may be the most scandalous thing to hit this year’s game. The Super Bowl is the second biggest day for food during the year, trailing only Thanksgiving, and wings are the most consumed item on this most sacred of Sundays.
A spokesman for the National Chicken Council did manage to alleviate everyone’s worst fear, though, by saying wings will be available. He added that although they may cost a bit more, “The good news for consumers is that restaurants plan well in advance to ensure they have plenty of wings for the big game.” Phew. Bullet dodged.
Good to know because without wings, we’d be left only to eat pizza. And sliders. And Doritos. And M&Ms. And pigs in a blanket. And fried chicken. And subs. And pretzels.
And heaven knows that’s just not enough selection for all the artery-clogged football fans out there.