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Passion Crimes: Downright Weird

Some hearts can break or worse on Valentine's Day.
Broken heart on Valentine's Day. (Photo courtesy of miguelpdl\flickr)

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I figured it would be nice to find some humor in passion. Being that I don’t have a valentine this year, my time will be fully devoted to finding as much funny material as I can in one day. No romantic comedies for me! Anyway, here are a few stories I’d like to start with. These are tales of downright terror (Not really). Here they are, wacky and off the wall crimes of passion.

 

Here’s a good place to start:

-22 year-old Andrew Toothman. He was busted breaking into an IGA in Kentucky. That fact alone is not weird. What IS weird is that when he was found, he was completely naked except for a pair of boots and he was covered in peanut butter and chocolate. I think he took the Reese’s commercials a little too seriously…. In this case it isn’t a perfect combination of peanut butter and chocolate.

-Our next story comes to us from funnyordie.com, in which a school teacher at a high school in Texas has reportedly taken home five students and engaged in sexual relations with them. Luckily for her, all of the students were 18 and legal, so she won’t be punished. Unfortunately, she committed adultry on her husband and she may be known around the nation as the lady from “Hot For Teacher”, well the teacher who defied the laws of teacher-student fun anyway!

-I had to add this one last…. It’s not so much full of love or passion as it is amazingly creepy. A 28 year-old Seattle man has been banned for jumping on the backs of high school athletes. You read this right. The guy takes unsuspecting piggyback rides from his victims! Sherwin “Piggyback Bandit” Shayegan has been banned from attending any high school games in a large number of Northwestern states, including Montana and Minnesota even banned him when they heard he was around. If that’s not creepy enough for you, we go to his Facebook page, where he states he likes to “(Meet) good looking boys. Preferably at libraries when no one else is around.” There ya have it… I feel like I need to go shower and get clean after writing this.

There ya go, now we can at least have some Valentine’s Day fun laughing at the stupidity of others. Enjoy and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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