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The United States Sucks at Drinking

image: facebook/drunk sex

Let’s see . . . skyrocketing debt. Political gridlock. We suck at math. Our health care costs are astronomical relative to other industrialized nations. This all sounds pretty miserable, which makes it even more surprising that the US doesn’t crack the top 10 on CNN’s list of Top 10 drinking nations.

(don’t feel bad, though, Heineken’s home nation of Holland didn’t make the cut either . . . probably because Heineken gets warm and undrinkable when sitting betwixt giant flesh kegs like that)

(what was I saying?)

Oh, yeah. Other countries drink better than we do. Since it’s St. Patty’s day, I bet you’re thinking that the Irish are number one? Wrong. They don’t crack the top 10 either. Neither does Canada. All these stereotypically stellar drinking nations are nowhere on the list. Wanna know which country drinks the most per capita? Moldova.

(I had to look it up too)

These Moldovian folks drink an average of 18 liters of straight booze per person per year. Props. But they’re still not numero uno. I’ll not spoil the surprise, and let you check the list for yourself, but in the meantime hit the American bars on this most Irish of holidays while embracing your inner Moldovian. Cheers!

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