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USA! USA! We’re Number One! We’re Number One (in sperm)

photo: Facebook/Crazy sPERMS (

You may recall my recent blog about the United States, and how we kind of suck at everything (even though we’re evidently the greatest country in the world). To restore my faith in this statistically below-average land of mine, I went out looking for something . . . ANYTHING . . . that the United States is tops in. And I found it. Turns out we’re the top exporter of sperm.

Put that in yer trade deficit and suck it, China!

(I may have worded that previous sentence poorly)

According to the article, the world’s lust for American sperm is due, in part, to the ethnic/genetic diversity in the United States (i.e., lots of folks from all over the world live and have lived here), especially versus other sperm-exporting titans like Denmark.

(side note: anyone ever wonder why white supremacists live in a diverse place like the United States? Wouldn’t they be much happier in places like Sweden. Or Antarctica? Anyplace with less diverse sperm? Just a thought)

Fly your flag high, folks, as we’re kickin’ ass and spankin’ names all over the planet. Is it just me, or do you feel a Monty Python song coming on?

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