Montana’s Spring is FAKE: The Truth About Our Seasons

You've heard of conspiracy theories about everything from the Kennedy assassination to the sexual preferences of frogs, but what you read on social media is only the tip of the iceberg. What the sheep masses are believing a lie that's much more egregious, a lie that's so frantically and consistently told that it's even on our very calendars. If you want to take the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes, you've swallowed the right article— that sounded wrong but you get the point. Here's THE TRUTH about Montana's seasons:

There are only two of them.

I know, it's jarring to see reality for the first time. Your hands are probably shaking, your entire body drenched with sweat. You may be feeling the urge to vomit, go ahead and let it out, then return to this article so I can finish this crucial transmission.

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Feeling better? Then let's look deeper. The MAN will tell you that today is the first day of spring— wrong. In Montana, this is just another day of winter. You may see blades of gras start rising from the dirt, and little green buds sprout from the branches, sure. But your temperature receptors tell a different story.

The MAN will also tell you the first day of summer is on June 21st, wrong again. Sometime between now and then Montana will shift into summer, then back into winter, shift into summer again before at least one more winter session. And don't even get me started about autumn, that'll get me on a watch list for sure.