Sadly, the headline is more literal than you might 1) expect, or 2) desire. Turns out a guy (who probably has this movie poster hanging over his bed) from Oregon sneaked out of his house for seven months, engaging in relations with a horse.

(side note: if you're into animals...let me rephrase...if you find animals attractive, why go for one that, when spooked, could literally kick you into next week?)

My favorite part of the news story: the overly thorough reporter tells us the dude lives within a mile of the horse. Not only is the guy a perv, but he clearly dislikes traveling long distances. These are important details.

Authorities knew someone was going all Kentucky Derby on the horse back in October, but lacked evidence until recently. Sadly, this kind of activity is a misdemeanor in Oregon so the penalty won't send our dirty jockey to federal prison (you know . . . so he could play the horses role with Bubba and Tiny in the shower).

No song I can think of works with this story, so here's the funniest horse moment from any movie, ever. I've seen this scene dozens of times, and I still crack up at the horse's face.