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Texts Of The Unemployed

The Great Economy S**tshow of 2012 left a ton of people unemployed, even some of those good hard workers who pride themselves on never missing a day of work.  That SUCKS. What doesn’t suck is that my newly unemployed friends suddenly had all the time in the world to text me every single thought that bounced into their heads.

Now normally, this would annoy the crap out of anybody, especially those still employed and trying to get some work done.  But my friends are pretty damn funny so I still welcome each and every text.

Here are just a few samples of the texts of the unemployed:

‘Just paid a $4 late fee at Hastings from April 2002.  Thank Satan there were no interest charges.’

‘I go though a pair of slippers every three weeks.  Does Costco sell slippers by the case?’

(at 3:25am) ‘Do you think the Bell is intentionally trying to give me diarrhea?  owwww!’

‘The inside of my hat doesn’t smell as bad as it probably should’

‘Best time to fart in public is when walking behind a cripple.  They always get blamed.’

‘I have a Billy Joel stiff in my head.  Interpret any way you want.’

‘So you say you’re a rap show promoter, but you spell THE with an E? Yeah, good luck there, Wordsworth.’

‘When 49 states have legalized gay marriage, I’d hate to be Wyoming.’

‘Following someone then immediately unfollowing them because they didn’t follow you back is the Twitter equivalent of being a f**king dick.’

’47th. Worst. Oscars. Ever.’

‘Looks like I picked the wrong year to give up hatred.’ (then provides link to news that Dane Cook is getting  a show on NBC)

‘If they just gave criminals Bejeweled, that would be the end of crime.’

‘Has anyone ever f**ked in the Cash Cab?’

‘My guests ate 6 pounds of wings and then left without even offering to help me clean up all the wingless parakeet carcasses.’

‘I bet Clint Eastwood doesn’t give a f**k about what falls into his food.’

‘I have traced the start of TV’s New Golden Age to the first time Captain Lou Albano sang lyrics to the Super Mario Bros. theme song.’

I believe in that last text, my friend meant rapped the lyrics, see for yourself.

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