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Underwear-Masked Burglar Hit In Head With Metal Bat [FBHW]

Horatioa Coates
KWTV

Free Beer and Hot Wings listened to a 911 audio clip that involved bungling burglar Horatio Coates, the dazed-looking fellow in the image above. Why does he look like he was just hit in the head with a baseball bat you ask? Well, that’s because he was hit in the head with a baseball bat.

Earlier this week, Coates decided to rob DVDs from a Dollar General in Oklahoma City. Unfortunately for his head, Coates picked the wrong store. After bursting in while wearing a pair of underwear as a mask (because nothing intimidates someone like a pair of tighty-whiteys), Coates was struck in the head with an aluminum baseball bat by the store’s owner. The underwear likely provided little protection.

In the audio, you can hear the first blow result in a tinny “ping” sound, followed by a crazy, loud, guttural “EAUGGHWGH” from Coates. The guys could not get enough of the clip. “He sounds like an injured animal,” said Zane. “I don’t know how he made that sound,” Hot Wings added. The 911 audio continued, with the store manager, 911 dispatcher, and eventually the burglar all talking. How the burglar was even getting his brain to send signals to his mouth at this point was beyond comprehension.

Here’s a transcript:

911 Dispatcher: “Is he still laying there?”
Store Manager: “He is still laying here.”
Burglar: “I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
Store Manager: “He is saying he doesn’t know what is going on.”
Burglar: “Holy [expletive]! What the [expletive]! Oh… goodness.”

So, if you wanted to know what sound an aluminum baseball bat makes when hitting a man’s head, check out the video below. A warning though – while we think that a tiny ping, followed by a loud outburst make for a funny contrast of noises, some might find the audio a little tough to listen to.

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