Recently, I was taking a deep dive into some Montana police reports when I stumbled across the Flathead Police Blotter, and it's absolutely bananas.

It's a guilty pleasure many of us have. Checking the local police roster, reading court cases, or just perusing the local police report. I'm not proud of it. It's akin to standing in line at the grocery store and flipping through the tabloids. Only when it comes to the Flathead Police Blotter, the tabloids might be more believable.

I took a gander at the local Flathead publication, "The Flathead Beacon" and ran across their police report. Below are samples from just one day reported. You can read the full report here.

10:24: A woman took off all her clothes and was trying to shoot up into her foot.

It's 10 am and we're already starting out strong. Eesh.

11:04: A man saw someone riding his stolen bike and got it back without an issue. It does, however, have different wheels and several missing parts.

So was it actually his stolen bike, or did the thief swap out the parts to make it look like it wasn't stolen? The world may never know.

3:11 pm: A man approached a woman on the walking path, offered a piece of bloody meat, and then asked if she was looking for a good time.

Hey. Shooters shoot, am I right?

9:22 pm: A man holding a hatchet and a $5 bill showed up to a fast food restaurant after it was closed.

There has to be more to this story. Anyway, I'm automatically calling "Five Dollar Fast Food Hatchet Burger" as my band name.

As absolutely crazy and even kind of funny as this blotter is, I like that I'm not seeing any violent drug-related crimes. They might have kept those out sure, but it's a nice breath of fresh air from reading the local Missoula crime report.

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