The only thing that makes the end of summer not harsh my mellow is the promise of archery season. The cold evenings and the mild days make my neck swell, I wanna fight everybody and I find myself whizzing on everything. Archery season is here and time to get out and chase hairy critters with a sharp stick and string. I felt the need to supply you with a list of essentials for any bowhunting trip.

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    Your Bow... Duh

    It is one of the oldest weapons man has ever used. We are talking straight up prehistoric. Of course some improvements have been made. I shoot a Bowtech Patriot. One of the best compound bows I have ever shot. It flings arrows at a whopping 300 feet per second. Fast and flat is how I like my arrows to fly.

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    The closest a man will get to shopping like a woman is when he is shopping for sporting goods. When I shop for camo I'm like a chick shopping for shoes. I gotta try everything on. Various styles, patterns and uses. "Oh this scent blocker jacket is on sale and it matches my boots". Choose camo that matches the environment you are hunting. Personally, I like me some Realtree patterns.

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    Scent Block

    Face it dude! You stink! Even though you can't smell it, the woodland critters think you smell so bad it could gag a maggot. Their sense of smell is their best line of defense. When you walk into the timber, odds are they already know you are there just because they can smell your butt. You can cut down on how much you smell by washing your clothes in scent killer soap and pack odor eliminating spray and pitstick with you. To increase your chances of not smelling like an old sock dipped in beer, you can spritz some earth scent on you. Which basically smells like dirt and leaves. It also makes a good cologne for first dates

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    Critter Calls

    Fall in Montana means elk mating season/rut. It is the time of year when you hear the haunting screams of a bull elk echo so loud that it makes you s#!t yourself. Your job as a hunter is to pretend you are Dr. Doolittle. You need to talk to the animals in a sexy voice to attract them to your area. For example: when a bull bugles he is saying, "Where my bitches at? Because I'm fixin' to get my swerve on!" Or if other bulls are near a bugle means, "Man you best back up off my ho's before I bust my antler off in your ass". For cow elk, when she makes the "mew" sound she is saying, "Getcher ass over here and let's make sweet sweet dirty monkey sexy time". I know it sounds mean to lead on a love struck elk into thinking he is gonna get lucky, but it works. Just don't sound like the drunk obnoxious elk who has a mullet and a drives a Trans Am. Just like in the human world, elk don't like talking to "that guy"

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    Kill Jug

    My Dad has always said that it's is bad luck to go into the hills without a kill jug. It is simply a bottle of booze you keep with you in case you find yourself in need of a celebration. Like a successful hunt. It also comes in handy when you are looking for buddies to help you pack out your kill. Who is gonna pass up free booze?

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