Thanks to everybody who submitted a "Bat Country Christmas" story, you guys cracked us the eff UP!!  Mostly "self pleasure" type expected.  Congrats to Scott Stoll, he won with this rad little ditty which included all of the required words, which were:

Bat Country
American Tragedy
Schecter Guitar
Holiday Sweater

"Twas the night before my Bat Country Christmas when all through the joint,nothing was stirring, there wasn't much point. Then the Blaze gave notice of a concert so grand, like a wizard with his wand I put my wiener in my hand, When I woke from the dream come to find it was true, Christmas sweater on the floor and stuck as if glued. My cries of delight could be heard both near and far and damn near passed out when I saw the Schecter Guitar. Like the song of the mermaid it whispered in my ear "goto A7X and drink lots of beer", for such a holiday treat this all could be, cause not to go would be an American Tragedy. So I scraped the sweater from the floor and hopped in the car but alas the concert would be viewed from a far, cause when I got to the net, when I could afford, the balcony was left and nothing on the floor, so instead of a jolly fat man with nuts in his pack, put me on the floor and gimme that axe. If all this can be I will personally thank the band and I swear to t hem all I have washed both my hands. To all those at the Blaze please make this right,a Merry Bat Country Christmas to all and to all a rockin night."