Valentine’s Day ‘Toys’ You Can Buy Right Here In Missoula – Our Top 5

It's just a regular size (7 x 1 inch) glass dildo, but it has a special V-Day theme. There's no way your chick already has this one. The hearts are supposed to be stimulating. Not the most exciting item out there, but it's affordable and something she'll actually use.

Anybody who tells you they don't enjoy anal beads is lying. Everybody likes anal beads. It's like ice cream, a common world wide treat that nobody can turn down. This particular set is fun for V-Day because it comes with a remote, so just when you forget they're in there, SURPRISE!

I put that in quotes because that's what it's really called. My web editor says I'm not allowed to post the photo I have of it being used, so I'll just describe it to you. It's basically a wide elastic strap with handles to keep your woman's noggin where it needs to be, even if she thinks she's done down there. When she opens this special gift and figures out what it's for, she'll likely exclaim "You @$hole!" to which you can reply, "but honey it's FAUX LEATHER!".

There are a bunch of different kinds of nipple clamps...tassels, chains, suckers, rings, plastic, rubber, vibrating... a lot to choose from. I thought these metal clamps were cool for a couple of reasons. They're classy looking, or as classy as it gets when it comes to nipple stimulation. Something nice your chick can leave on the dresser. Also, they can be worn, imagine tearing off your woman's shirt and finding these babies on her set. And they're made of metal, nice and cold when you put 'em on.

And if you don't have a date at all, that's nothing a love doll can't fix. The perfect lady comes in a box that boasts "3 colossal love holes." Mix that with a copy of "Assterpiece Theater 2" and you should be good to go.